


Baby Think It Over

by A Sirius Crush On Moony (Obsession137)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:54:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2280894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsession137/pseuds/A%20Sirius%20Crush%20On%20Moony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Students are given a realistic baby to look after for a week and a half. How will Remus and James cope with their baby, and will it lead to something else?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Assignment

"Settle down, everyone," Professor McGonagall said impatiently, after a couple of minutes of bustling around by the class. When the students were relatively quiet, she began speaking. "I know we're a magic school, but we're still human. We still get married and have children..."

"I'd like to see  _her_  get married and have children," muttered James quietly, receiving a few sniggers from other people in the Great Hall.

"What was that, Mr Potter?"

"Nothing Professor," James replied, grinning.

"Good. Now, where was I? Yes... most of you, at some point will be thinking of settling down and getting married and having children. Now, we're running a 1 – 2 week Parenting assignment called 'Baby Think It Over' where you will be sent off in pairs to look after a baby for the given time."

There were murmurs around the room.

"Listen," Professor McGonagall said loudly. "I shall be picking your pairs, because I'm sure there will be people left on their own if I let you choose. They won't necessarily be boy-girl pairs, because we have more boys than girls in this school. Any questions?"

Severus lifted his hand.

"Yes, Snape?"

"It's not a real baby, is it?" he asked.

"Of course not. It's a very realistic baby. We've had permission from the Ministry to allow us to use magic on these babies. They're now magic-proofed for you, so you have to do everything the Muggle way. That means cleaning it, changing it, feeding it."

"What's the point of this rubbish anyway?" Snape asked again.

"For you all to experience the realities and hardships of trying to raise a child."

"What if we don't want children when we're older?" Sirius asked impatiently.

"Mr Black, I'm afraid this is going to be compulsory, so if you don't show a little enthusiasm, I shall partner you with Snape over here, who shares the same distaste."

Both boys sent glares at each other, but remained silent.

"Now, before I was rudely interrupted, I was saying how real these babies are. As I've said, we've put some spells on them, to make them as real as possible. They'll come to recognise you and your partner, and depend on you. If you fail to feed them, you will find symptoms. You've also got to play with the baby. It doesn't want to be alone all day. I suggest when you're in a lesson, let your partner look after the baby, and vice versa."

"Will there be a prize?" asked Mary excitedly.

"Yes, Miss McDonald, there will be a prize. The winning pair get ten free books and potions, along with two tickets to the Quidditch World Cup in August. But in order to win, you must have the best parenting techniques in the school. After dinner every two days, you need to bring your baby to your head of house, and we'll check over your baby to see that you've been looking after it properly. Everybody understand?"

Sirius sighed loudly.

"Something to say, Mr Black?"

"No."

"Good then. I shall choose your pairings now."

Everyone looked around nervously.

"Mary McDonald with Peter Pettigrew."

Mary groaned as Peter came walking towards her table.

"Severus Snape with Alice Prewitt."

"Eww," whispered Alice, as she joined her partner.

"Regulus Black with Gilderoy Lockhart."

People sniggered, as they all silently agreed... nobody wanted to be with Lockhart. He was a big-headed git.

"Bellatrix Black with Fabian Prewitt."

"Lucius Malfoy with Rodolphus Lestrange."

"Lily Evans with Narcissa Black"

James groaned. "She was supposed to be with  _me_ ," he whispered to Sirius.

"Who? Evans or Narcissa?" Sirius sniggered.

"Shut up."

"Enough talking, boys. Sirius Black with Frank Longbottom."

Frank came over to join them, a look of relief on his face. "So glad I'm not paired with a Slytherin."

"Me too, mate," Sirius said.

"James Potter and Remus Lupin."

"Yes! I have Remus!" James said excitedly, receiving an amused look from Remus.

"Why are you so excited?" Remus asked.

"Because you're good with babies. We're going to win Quidditch tickets!"

"I've never even held a baby," Remus whispered.

"Well, you're the 'baby type'..."

"The 'baby type'?"

"Yeah, you know..."

"James, you're so weird," Remus said, rolling his eyes. The day went on, people being put into pairs. Groans, blushes, and exclamations of happiness.

* * *

_10 hours later..._

"Remus! I have our baby!" James shouted, running through the door of the dorm. He was holding the baby over his shoulder, by the foot.

"James! You're not supposed to hold it like that!"

"Why not?" has asked, pulling it back over his shoulder and staring at it blankly.

"Would you do that with a  _real_  baby?" Remus questioned. "Actually, don't answer that. Pass it to me."

James handed the baby to Remus, and sat down on his bed. "We have to name it, apparently."

"Oh. What do you want to call it?"

"How about... James?" said James, grinning from ear to ear.

"How about no. Um, let's think. For one thing, it's a girl, and anothe-"

"-How do you know it's a girl?" James asked, peering at the baby.

"Hello? It's wearing pink..."

"It might be gay..."

"You don't get gay babies, James."

"Right... So, let's call her Lily."

"Really, James?" Remus asked. James nodded and Remus sighed. "Fine, Lily it is."

James unexpectedly grabbed the baby and cradled it to his chest. "There's a baby... Peek-a-boo!" He started making funny noises, and Remus couldn't help but laugh. Sirius came walking in with his baby slung over his shoulder.

"And what are  _you_  doing?" Remus asked.

"Coming into my dorm... isn't that allowed?" Sirius asked.

"I'm talking about the baby. You can't just hold it like that. Honestly, you two..."

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Let's hope the both of you never have any children..."

"Why not!" James asked, hurt. "Me and Lily are connecting over here, look."

The fake child had fallen asleep in James's arms.

"You called her  _Lily_?" Sirius asked.

"And?"

"Nothing," Sirius said, trying not to laugh. "By the way, they're all boys. Just thought I'd let you know. They ran out of blue clothes, so had to use pink ones instead."

"Ha! Told you it was gay," James said to Remus.

"Whatever. We need a new name," Remus said.

"What about my first choice... James. It's a wonderful name," James said, smiling down at the baby.

"No, I don't like James," Remus said.

"You don't like my name? Moony, I'm hurt! Ok, fine... how about... Harry? I like that name, do you?"

"Harry... yeah, it's a nice name. He's now called Harry," Remus said.

"What's yours called, Sirius?" asked James. Sirius stared at James, and then back at his baby that was now currently lying on the floor.

"Oh... err... I think we're just calling it 'The Baby'," Sirius said.

"Do you want to win?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Yes! I'm just not a baby person," Sirius said. "I'll leave all that to Frank."

"Well, me, Moony and Harry are going to win," James said. "Yes we are, aren't we? Yes we are..." he said to the baby, who was still fast asleep.

"James, you'll wake him up, stop it!" Remus whispered, as James started poking its' chest.

"God, look at you three... like a proper family," Sirius smirked from his bed. James and Remus glared at him. Remus picked up his book and started reading again, leaving James to take care of the baby.


	2. Starting Parenthood

"Remus, REMUS! It pooped!" screeched James frantically, running up to Remus in panic.

"Yes James, babies do poop," Remus answered, amused.

"But it's not real.. It shouldn't poop. It doesn't have a digestive system!"

"Yeah well the teachers have magic on it remember?"

"I tried to scourgify it but it didn't work," James shouted.

"Do you ever listen, James? We  _can't_ use magic on it. We have to do it the muggle way."

Sirius burst into the room looking petrified.

"What's up?" asked Remus.

"I think... I lost the baby!"

"How did you lose it?" James asked, trying not to laugh.

"I was.. umm... I was in the common room and this girl walked past and I got distracted because of her legs! They were just so long, you know? And the way she was walking.. mmm. Her legs were so smooth looki-"

"Sirius, back to the baby..." Remus urged.

"Right, the baby. So I was busy staring after this beautiful girl and I completely forgot about the baby. I followed her down to the great hall where she met up with her Slytherin boyfriend so I got all angry and noticed Lily and Narcissa arguing about their baby! I then noticed I'd left my baby upstairs and when I ran back to get it, it was gone!" Sirius said, flopping down on the bed.

"When me and Lily have a baby, remind me not to let you baby-sit," James said.

"Aw, why not?" Sirius whined.

"Because firstly, James and Lily won't ever have a baby together because she hates his guts," Remus said, putting his hand up to James's mouth to stop him protesting. "And secondly, you just lost a fake baby. Merlin knows what you'll be like with a real one if a pretty girl walks past."

"You're the one to talk, where's your baby?" Sirius questioned. Remus sighed.

"It pooped," said James. " _I'm_  not cleaning it up. That's  _mummy's_  job," he said looking pointedly at Remus. It took Remus a second until he realised what James had meant.

"I'm not the mummy!" Remus protested.

"Yes you are," James said.

"No I'm not. You named him!"

"And you're the one who knows all about babies!"

"That doesn't make me the mummy!"

"Both of you shut up!" shouted Sirius. They both went quiet and looked at him. "I have a headache," he whined. "And, if you need a solution, do what Frank and I did with our baby when it pooped."

"What did you do?" asked James

"We sat it on the toilet all day," Sirius said happily.

" _All_  day?" Remus asked.

"Well it fell in the toilet twice but it wasn't badly damaged."

"Sirius!"

"What? I'm not planning on having children so why should I care?"

"Whatever. Do you think the teachers have nappies?"

"You are a genius Remus," said James, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door. "We'll be back soon Sirius."

"Bye."

As James and Remus opened the door, they stopped as something was lying on the floor. It was a baby who had Frank's exact hair colour, with Sirius's grey eyes.

"Aww, it looks like you!" squealed Remus happily.

"And you say you're not the mummy," muttered James. Remus ignored him.

"There's a note," Remus said. He picked it up and read it aloud for Sirius to hear.

" _Dear Sirius,_

_I can't believe you left our baby in the common room! I couldn't find you but I'm leaving it with you today since you never do anything to help out. Good luck. Frank"_

"Damn you Frank!" yelled Sirius, though there was no way Frank would be able to hear him. "And you two.. don't you leave your baby in here while you go searching for nappies.  _I_  won't be looking after it."

" _Him_ , Sirius. Our baby is a boy, not an 'it'. His name is Harry," James said.

"Harry what? Harry Potter or Harry Lupin?" Sirius asked. James and Remus looked at each other.

"We just call him Harry. It's not like me and Remus are married or anything," James said, blushing.

"Let's just clean him up and take him downstairs.. Look he didn't get the poop on the bed," Remus said, peering over. "...But he got it on Peter's favourite pyjamas."

"He did?" James asked. "That's a good boy!" Sirius sniggered.

"Well you can be the one explaining that to Peter," Remus said. "And James?"

"What?"

"I had to clean up his puke last night so it's your turn now. Go into the bathroom... A little quicker than that! Yes, go and grab some tissue and clean him up."

"He is such a terrible parent," commented Sirius, as he watched James clean up the baby. Remus raised his eyebrows.

"Look who's talking," he said grinning.

"Just because I lost my baby and it fell down the toilet a few times! Look," Sirius said, walking up to pick up his baby. It immediately started crying as soon it saw who was holding him. "Wow, it _does_  have my beautiful eyes!"

"Ugh Sirius get over yourself, you don't have beautiful eyes... I do!" said James who was now holding a clean baby Harry.

"No you don't! Mine are grey," said Sirius.

"Well mine are Hazel!"

"Exactly, mine are better!"

"I like my baby's eyes," commented James, looking down at Harry. "They're beautiful."

"Let's see," said Remus, coming closer.

"They're Remus's eyes!" shouted Sirius, looking from the baby to Remus.

"They are?" asked James.

"Well thankyou for saying I have beautiful eyes," said Remus, grinning.

"Well uh.. they're.. y'know.. just a nice colour," James mumbled, slurring his words.

"Thanks," said Remus.

"So the babies look like the parents then?" Sirius asked. "My poor baby! What if it looks like Frank?"

"Count yourself lucky, at least you don't have Snivelly as a partner," said James, grimacing. Sirius retched.

"What feature does Harry have of you James?" asked Remus, who was now holding Harry.

"I think he has my hair. See how messy it is?"

"It has your big head too," Sirius said, receiving a slap from Remus.

"My baby doesn't have James's big head!"

" _I_  don't have a big head!" shouted James defensively.

"REMUS! You slapped me!" complained Sirius.

"Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"You insulted my baby!"

"Ok, sorry. Right, I'm just taking this downstairs to try and offload on someone else," Sirius said, walking towards the door. Remus rolled his eyes at the fact he called his baby 'this'. "So, I can get you guys some nappies if you want..."

"Thanks Sirius," said Remus.

"See you guys later... If I run in to Peter, I'll make sure to tell him that you let your baby poop on his pyjamas," Sirius said with a grin.

" _DON'T_ ," shouted James.

"Buh-bye now," replied Sirius, edging out the door and closing it behind him.

"He is such a disaster," said James. Remus nodded in agreement and they both fell into laughter. After a minute, Harry began crying. They sighed as their small moment of peace was over.


	3. Inspection

"Burped?"

"Check."

"Nappy changed?"

"Check."

"Fed?"

"Check."

"Cleaned?"

"Check."

"Good, so hopefully he's presentable enough to show McGonagall," Remus said, picking up Harry and handing him to James, who cradled him. Remus smiled.

"I'm better at this than I thought I'd be," James said. "I'm actually managing to look after a baby, even though it isn't real, it's almost real."

"Yeah, to be honest, I thought you'd be worse than Sirius, but you're really good," Remus said.

"You thought I'd be worse than  _him_?" James asked, pointing over to Sirius. Sirius was lying on his bed, throwing his baby up in the air and catching it.. that was until it landed with a  _thud_  on the wooden floor and began crying loudly. Sirius sat up quickly, grinned at the shocked faces of Remus and James, picked up his baby and stuffed it under his pillow to stop himself from hearing the crying. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Ok, maybe not worse than  _him_  but I didn't think of you as a parent type."

"Well I guess now you know different," James smiled. "And if Sirius ever settles down and gets married, we'll have to remind his wife of what he's like with babies," he whispered, making Remus laugh.

"Yeah," Remus said. "Let's take little Harry downstairs for inspection then."

"Where are you two going?" Sirius asked as they were leaving.

"Inspection you idiot... you'll have to bring umm...  _him_  downstairs too," James said.

" _Him_?"

"Your baby. Please don't tell me you haven't named him yet..."

"Actually we have," Sirius said proudly. Remus's eyes widened.

"You did?"

"Yep."

"What's he called?"

"Annabelle."

James and Remus looked at each other for a few seconds, whilst trying to keep a straight face, but it didn't work. They both broke into hysterics simultaneously, James holding on to Remus's shoulder for support. Sirius sighed.

"Why are you laughing now?"

"You can't be  _that_  stupid, Sirius!"

"What have I done?" Sirius asked.

"Oh c'mon Sirius, don't be a such a fool for all of your life."

"I'm being serious guys."

This statement caused the other two to break down in more laughter. "We know you're Sirius, Sirius," said James in between laughs.

"Shut up!"

"Fine. We were laughing because you named your baby Annabelle. That is a  _girls_  name. Your baby is a  _boy_ ," said Remus with particular emphasis on the words 'girl' and 'boy'.

"Oh! I never thought of that," Sirius shouted, clapping his hand to his forehead. "Well, we had a back-up name."

"Oh yeah, and what is that? Elizabeth?" James asked, making Remus burst out laughing.

"No actually, it's Neville."

"Neville?"

"Yes, Neville. Don't ask me! I didn't name it... it was Franks idea!"

"Well it's better than Annabelle," said Remus, smirking.

"Hey! I came up with that name!" said Sirius defensively.

"Well done, wonderful name-picker you are Sirius, now come on, bring Neville downstairs so he can be inspected."

The three boys walked downstairs together.

"Hey Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your babies surname?"

"Wait for it, wait for it..." Sirius said, grinning. "Just wait..."

"... we're waiting," Remus said impatiently.

"He is called Neville Blackbottom!"

"Oh Merlin, are you kidding?" James asked, trying not to laugh again.

"No," laughed Sirius. "I came up with that one too, aren't I a genius?"

"You're something," Remus said, receiving a light punch in the arm from Sirius.

* * *

The boys reached the door to Professor McGonagall's office, where Frank was waiting. Sirius joined Frank, and they began talking.

"Next!" shouted McGonagall as Peter and Mary left the room. Remus and James looked at each other nervously before entering the room.

"Hello there boys," said Professor McGonagall kindly. "Please take a seat. May I see your baby?"

"Yeah," said James, handing Harry over carefully. Professor McGonagall smiled.

"Oh, I can definitely see the resemblance between the two of you and the baby. What did you call him?"

"Harry," said Remus.

"Harry? Isn't he adorable? He looks very well looked after to me," she commented. "I must say, from the two of you, I didn't expect this."

"Oh thanks!" James said.

"Your welcome Potter. You may take Harry back now," McGonagall said, while writing a few notes on a piece of parchment. Just as they were leaving the room, she called for the next pair to come in. They saw Sirius and Frank arguing over who got to hold the baby and laughed.

"I swear they like each other," James whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"They like each other, as in  _want to kiss_  each other," James said.

"Nah! I don't think so..."

"They argue like an old married couple," James pointed out.

"That's because bringing up these babies are  _like_  being an old married couple," Remus said.

* * *

They finally reached their dorm and as James opened the door, and the two froze, staring at the sight in front of them. Peter and Mary were sitting on Peter's bed, arms wrapped around each other, kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. James cleared his throat and the two broke apart swiftly.

"What have we here?" Remus asked, eyebrows raised.

"Umm, just uh-" Peter spluttered.

"We were just doing it for George's sake," Mary answered, covering Peter's mouth. James looked confused. "Our baby, George. He'd probably want to see his parents kissing, right?"

"Well you don't see Remus and I walking around snogging, just to keep our baby happy," James said. Remus felt a blush creep onto his cheeks, but hid it by throwing his hands up to his cheeks and shouting.

"I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" he shouted, rushing off into the toilet. Everyone else looked around at one another in confusion.

"Um, that was odd," James commented, throwing himself down on his bed, placing Harry down to sleep. "But yeah, if you guys want to kiss, please do it elsewhere. Harry won't want to see a sight like that."

"Yeah well, we shall just be going now, right Pete?" Mary said, standing up.

"Yeah. Bye James."

"See you later," James said, waving to them. The bathroom door creaked open and Remus came running out, jumping into his bed and pulling the covers over himself. "Something wrong?" asked James.

"Just feeling a bit ill," Remus lied.

"A bit ill? I hope you get better soon," James said, as he walked towards Remus and sat on the edge of his bed. Remus looked up into James's eyes and smiled.

"Thanks," he said. James took hold of Remus's hand. Remus stopped breathing momentarily as he just stared into those hazel eyes, which were staring right back into his.

"Rem?" James said softly.

"Yeah?"

"You have um, very nice, um, b-b-beautiful eyes," he said, turning crimson. Remus grinned up at him.

"So do you," Remus answered, making circles on James's hand with his finger. James smiled.

"That feels good," he commented. Remus laughed quietly.

"That's what I was aiming for."

"Really good," James said with his eyes closed, but a soft smile on his face. Suddenly the door slammed open, James wrenched his hand away and stood up, the blush still on his face. Sirius was smiling triumphantly.

"W-what's up with you Sirius?" James asked quickly.

"I have a girlfriend!"

"Wow," said Remus sarcastically, turning over and closing his eyes.

"Who?" asked James.

"Samantha Rogers in Ravenclaw. You know the one with blond hair and big boobs?"

"Yeah, I know the one. Why'd she agree to go out with  _you_?" James asked in disbelief.

"I happen to be the sexiest guy in school!" Sirius shouted. Remus made a undecipherable noise, but Sirius continued. " _And_  I showed her my cute little baby!"

"So she's with you because your baby's cute? Wow, somebody must be desperate," James said. "Where  _is_  your baby anyway?"

"Oh, Sammie has him at the moment."

"Sammie?"

"Yep. She has the baby."

"Frank is going to kill you," James said in a sing-song voice.

"I don't care! I just can't wait till this baby thing is over. It's driving me insane!"

"Sirius, you were insane from the start," Remus said, sitting up and apparently ceasing being ill.

"Wow, Remus!" Sirius exclaimed excitedly.

"What?" asked Remus, confused.

"You look flustered," Sirius replied, waggling his eyebrows.

"I do  _not_!" Remus yelled. "I just don't feel well," he said, faking a cough and lying back down.

"Well, I'm going downstairs to get some more nappies. I'll see you both later," James said.

"Bye."

"Bye, James."

James left the room, rushing downstairs and into an empty corridor. He banged his head against the stone walls.  _What am I doing?_  He thought.  _I don't like boys. I like LILY. Remus is just a friend. A friend with a really great personality and beautiful eyes. Oh, and a really nice bum. I didn't think that, I_ didn't _think that! Merlin help me. I'm turning gay!_

Little did James know was that Remus was upstairs in the dormitory thinking almost the exact same thing about James.


	4. What Happened Last Night?

It was a great surprise to everyone the next morning when they arrived down at breakfast to get an eyeful of Peter Pettigrew and Mary McDonald all over each other, snogging each other passionately. There were numerous mutterings of "what's a pretty girl like her doing with a slob like him?" and honestly, Peter's friends secretly wondered that themselves though they'd never admit it to Peter, who flushed scarlet at the sight of them approaching the table.

"Got ourselves a girlfriend eh?" Sirius asked, nudging a very embarrassed Peter. Mary let go of Peter's hand and stood up swiftly, picking up George.

"I'll just be going then Peter. Goodbye," she said quickly, rushing off towards the door of the Great Hall. Peter seemed to be in some form of shock, mouth wide open and eyes fixed upon the spot where Mary had just been sitting.

"Shut your mouth mate," James urged, stuffing a croissant in Peters mouth, making him break out of his stance.

"Just go after her if you want. We're not laughing at all," Sirius said. "At least not to your face," he muttered quietly to Remus and James, who struggled to keep straight faces. Peter nodded and wordlessly walked to the door in a zombie-like manner, leaving the other three sitting there desperately wanting to laugh. As soon as Peter's back disappeared through the door, they all broke into a roar of laughter.

"Where's  _your_  girl then, Sirius?" asked Remus after they'd recovered from their laughing fit. He picked up the baby's bottle from the table, which James had just heated up, and started feeding Harry. Sirius looked around, biting his lip.

"Hmm, she has Neville," Sirius stated. "Oh damn, which girl was it again?"

"You're hopeless," Remus said, shaking his head.

"Why's he hopeless now?" asked Frank, who had just appeared by their table and sat down.

"He has lent your child to a girl and forgotten which girl it was," James said, receiving a scowl from Sirius. Frank gasped.

"You  _idiot_!" he shouted, throwing his fork at Sirius and only missing his face by half an inch. Sirius's eyes widened.

"Domestic violence," he said, in a tone of disappointment. "You should be ashamed of yourself."

" _You_  should be ashamed of yourself for losing our baby!" answered Frank, folding his arms. "And we're not married."

"... _Yet_..." muttered James, glancing sideways at Remus and grinning. Apparently the two were too busy squabbling to have heard James. Remus and James silently stood up and left Sirius and Frank to argue. As they left the Great Hall, James cornered Remus.

"What?" Remus hissed, cradling Harry into his chest. "You'll wake Harry!"

"I want to know what happened," James demanded in a loud whisper. Remus's eyebrows creased in confusion and he wore a blank expression.

"What do you mean? When?"

"Last night. In the dorm. Between us," James whispered, turning pink at the memory. Soon enough Remus's face changed colour to match James's.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Remus lied, looking anywhere but at James, who sighed.

"You know," he urged quietly. "Holding hands..."

Remus continued to wear his blank expression. James rolled his eyes.

"You have beautiful eyes," James quoted. Remus sighed.

"What about it?" Remus asked.

"Well I want to know  _why_ that happened between us. Don't tell me you haven't wondered because I  _know_  I have, and well... How could you  _not_  wonder. I mean, things like that don't happen every day between two best friends... especially not two  _male_  best friends."

"Well, erm... how do you expect me to know why it happened?" Remus asked awkwardly.

"I don't know Remus," James said. "I just want an explanation. I mean, the way you were tracing circles on my skin... Merlin! That did things to me that not even Lily can achieve! It felt so amazing."

"Umm... I'm not sure if I should be pleased or afraid," Remus admitted. He was now a deep shade of red; only blushing a little more than James was.

"Well I liked it," James said quietly. "Nobody has ever made me feel that way. You're a great.. er, skin tracer."

"Thanks," laughed Remus nervously. "You're a great complimenter."

James grinned, and pulled Remus into a hug. He could smell Remus; his hair, his clothes, his skin. It was gorgeous, and he didn't want to pull out. He'd be happy to just stay there forever, holding on to his friend... his new-found crush. Eventually, they had to break apart as Harry began crying. James looked into Remus's blushing face and smiled.

"I th-think we woke him up," said Remus.

"Shall we take him upstairs?"

"Upstairs?" asked Remus, as if it was the most unlikely of places. James laughed.

"Yes, upstairs..."

"Oh right. Yeah, let's take him upstairs."

* * *

They carried the crying baby upstairs to their dorm in silence, both of them lost for words. Neither were very sure of what was going on between them; they'd both only had feelings for girls, and only ever seen each other as good friends. When Harry finally fell asleep, Remus put him down on James's bed as it was more comfortable than his arms. He turned to face James, who had obviously been looking at him, as when Remus looked, James quickly started staring at the ceiling as if he'd been staring there all along.

"Soo," Remus started, hoping that James would have something to say. James stopped looking at the ceiling and looked back at Remus. His heart skipped a beat as his eyes rested on Remus's.

"I really  _do_  like your eyes you know," he said stupidly, blushing.

"Thanks," mumbled Remus. "I like yours too."

James beamed. "Remus," he said nervously.

"Yeah?"

"I th-think maybe.. umm.."

"What is it?" asked Remus tentatively. James took a deep breath.

"IthinkIlikeyou," he said as quickly as possible, making his words slur together.

"Huh?" asked Remus. "A bit slower please," he laughed. James gulped. Now was the moment. He closed his eyes.

"I think I like you," James said. He was surprised at how clear his voice had been.

"In what way exactly?" asked Remus.

"I want to k-kiss you," James answered, keeping his voice slow. "I like you in the way you like a girlfriend or boyfriend."

"Wow," Remus commented. He couldn't think of what else to say.

"Wow?" James asked incredulously.

"I d-don't know what to say," Remus said. "You want to kiss me?"

"Yeah," James said, looking down at his feet.

"I've kind of been feeling that way too recently," admitted Remus quietly. James's face lightened up immediately.

"You have?"

"Yeah," Remus said, laughing. "James?"

"What?"

"What's happening to us?"

"I think Moony, that we are turning gay," James said, grinning.

"You think?" Remus asked sarcastically. "Bu-"

Before Remus could finish his sentence, James's lips met his in a soft, tender kiss. It wasn't lusty or passionate. It wasn't even a snog. It was just a wonderful kiss on the lips. Remus could feel the electric tingle that started when he felt James's lips pressed against his. He felt somewhat connected to James after the magical tingle. As they broke apart they both smiled at each other, Remus blushing.

"That was-"

"-The most amazing thing ever," finished James. Remus nodded in agreement.

"I loved it," said Remus, grinning.

"Me too," said James. "Hey Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

"Are you serious?" Remus asked excitedly, but before James could answer, the door burst open.

"No! That would be me!" said Sirius, grinning from ear to ear. "I'm Sirius. You get it? Serious, Sirius?"

"Yeah, that joke got old a long time ago," James said pretending to yawn. He looked at Remus who nodded in answer to his question. He couldn't help smiling at the fact that this wonderful boy who he'd just kissed was now officially his boyfriend – yeah, it felt strange saying he had a  _boyfriend_  but it also felt amazing to know that he was lucky enough to be with Remus.

"You guys?" Sirius said slowly.

"What?" asked James, annoyed.

"I..uhh.. got my baby back," Sirius said.

"That's great," Remus said.

"Where is he?" asked James.

"Well... you see... I found my girlfriend... apparently she is Samantha something-or-other. She had my baby and I was like 'give him back to me' and Sam was like 'no' and I was like 'he's  _my_  baby!' and she was like 'no, not after you dumped him on me' and I was like 'you are dumped' and she was like 'how could you?' and I was like 'I just did!' and she threw the baby at me. But erm, since it had been around her for a while, it's features had changed a bit and I shouted at her."

"What did you say?"

"I was like 'this is  _your_  ugly baby!' because I actually didn't recognise that it was my baby, and I did the worst thing possible," Sirius said, putting his head in his hands.

"What did you do?" asked Remus, trying to keep his face serious.

"Since I thought it was her baby, I decided to throw him at the wall. Well, I accidentally threw him in the wrong direction and he fell down six floors and landed outside the Great Hall."

"Oh Merlin," said James.

"Is he all right?" asked Remus.

"No," said Sirius sadly. "His head fell off."

James and Remus couldn't help but laugh at the seriousness in Sirius's voice. What a boy...


	5. Mission: RESCUE JAMES

The night went painfully slow. Peter, James, and Remus all decided to sleep in the bathroom to keep away from Sirius. He was turning into a nightmare – a nightmare you couldn't wake up from. Apparently he  _was_  serious about his baby's missing head, and he wouldn't shut up about it. Peter, James, and Remus were all wide awake. Even from the bathroom, they could hear him.

"My poor  _poor_  baby!" he cried. "You lost your head, son, but you haven't lost your dignity! Just remember that Neville."

The other three had found it funny at first, but he was now preventing them from sleeping, and to make matters worse, Harry and George kept waking up. James and Remus were facing one another, with their fingers laced together, smiling at each other while Peter tended to his baby.

" _Aaaaaaahhhhh_!" screamed Sirius. Peter, James, and Remus all looked at one another instantly, trying to decide whether or not to see if Sirius was OK. None of them could really be bothered to check up on him, so they all resumed to what they were doing. After a while of silence, Sirius made another sound.

" _Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh, HELP_!"

"He's such a drama queen," muttered James, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Should we just see what's wrong with him?" asked Remus.

"No, because then he gets what he wants," said Peter. They all nodded, and decided to try and get back to sleep. Five minutes went by, and just as they were drifting off, Harry began crying.

"Oh, for god's sake," groaned James. He picked up Harry. "What do you  _want_?" he asked the baby, who carried on crying.

"I think he wants fed," yawned Remus. "We haven't fed him for a while."

" _You_  feed him," James said, handing him over to Remus. Remus held the baby back out for James to take.

"I'm not taking him to be fed," Remus said. "That means I'll have to go next door, and Sirius is in there."

"Well, I'm not going in there either."

James and Remus both looked at Peter, whose eyes widened.

"You're not sending  _me_  in there," he said. "I was clever, and brought my baby's things in with me, just so I didn't have to go in there."

"True," said James. "I guess we could both go in?"

"No. Seriously. I refuse," said Remus stubbornly, lying down to go back to sleep.

"FINE," shouted James. "I'll have to do it myself," he sighed. "I hope I come back alive."

"Me too," Remus said, grinning as James made his way to the door of the bathroom. When the door closed, Peter sat up, smiling.

"Let's lock the door," he said mischievously. Remus' face lit up.

"Ooh, great idea," he said, locking the door. They both laughed as they thought of poor James, being stuck in the room with Sirius.

* * *

The minutes passed, but no sound came from outside the door. Remus and Peter looked at each other every now and again in worry. It also worried them that James hadn't tried to open the door. Where was he? What was he doing?

"Shall we take a chance?" asked Peter after a while.

"What do you mean?"

"Should we open the door?"

"That's a dangerous idea, Pete," said Remus anxiously.

"What else can we do, though?" asked Peter. "We need to get James back, because your baby won't shut up."

"I guess you're right," said Remus finally. "We have to be careful Sirius doesn't spot us."

"Or else we'll never escape!"

"Yeah," said Remus. "This is why we're Gryffindor's! Let's do it!"

The two of them stood up – George in Peters hands and Harry in Remus' hands. Nervously, Remus reached for the door handle, and unlocked the door. They stood in silence, watching the door for a minute.

"Do you reckon it's safe?" whispered Peter. Remus nodded. Shakily, he grabbed the door handle and pulled the door open quickly – to get it over and done with.

The room was empty – no Sirius, no James.

"Where are they?" asked Remus.

"Why are you asking me?" asked Peter. "Obviously  _I_  don't know."

"Where do you think they went?"

"I have no idea," said Peter. "Should we go looking for them?"

"Maybe they're hiding somewhere," said Remus, peering under the bed.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Peter, running back to the bathroom door. Remus looked around.

" _WHAT_?" he asked frantically. Peter looked petrified.

"The i-i-invisibility cloak!"

Remus gasped, running to join Peter in the doorway.

"Let's just wait here," he said. "They can't stay under there forever, and when they finally show themselves, we can easily shut the door again."

"Great idea."

* * *

Unfortunately, their plan failed. They both fell asleep in the doorway, and when they awoke, there was a strange noise filling the room. Remus wasn't sure if he  _wanted_  to open his eyes, but he knew he'd have to one day. He sat up with Harry still in his arms, and looked around at the room. Peter was sprawled out on the floor next to him, James was fast asleep in his bed, and Sirius was sitting on his own bed, staring at him.

"Er Sirius?"

"Yep?"

"You're kind of creeping me out," Remus said, looking at the boy anxiously.

"Why?"

"Never mind," Remus muttered, standing up. "What's that noise?"

" _Never mind_ ," imitated Sirius annoyingly. Peter grunted and woke up.

"Wha' my doin' on a floor?" he asked sleepily.

"I don't want to  _know_  what you've been doing on the floor with Remus, Pete," said Sirius in a horrified tone.

"Shut up," Remus said, walking to James' bed. He gave him a nudge, and James woke up immediately (as he was a light sleeper).

"What's up?" he asked tiredly.

"Where did you go last night? Did Sirius catch you?"

"Oh," James laughed. "He started going on about the headless baby, so we went to get it fixed by McGonagall. Unfortunately for poor Neville, it didn't work very well, so his baby makes strange noises now."

"Ah, so  _that's_  what all the noise is," said Remus apprehensively.

"You  _had_  to tell him," complained Sirius angrily. "OK guys, listen. I'm not happy with you.  _Any_  of you."

"Why?" Peter asked.

"Locking yourselves away in the bathroom to get away from me," Sirius pouted. "I shouted  _help_  and none of you even bothered to see what was wrong with me. I could've died!"

"Well, you didn't die, so it doesn't matter, does it?" Remus said, grinning.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you found me dead this morning. You'd be crying about how sad it is that poor  _poor_  Sirius – the handsomest boy in the school, with the most gorgeous eyes, and the most dashing smile – had died a tragic dead."

"I know I most certainly wouldn't be saying that," said Remus, and Sirius scowled at him. James cleared his throat, and everyone looked at him.

"Remus and I have something we'd like to tell you both," he said. Remus looked at him with wide eyes.

"No we don't," he said quickly.

"Rem, we  _do_."

"Did I agree with you that we would tell them?" Remus asked angrily.

"Fine... Rem? Shall we tell them?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so."

" _Please_. They should know."

"Why should they?"

"Because we're your friends?" Peter suggested.

"And we love you," Sirius added with a cheesy grin.

"Oh my," James said suddenly. "If  _he_  loves us then we should be pretty scared."

"I know what you mean," Remus agreed, making Sirius pout again.

"Please tell us," said Peter. "We won't tell anyone if that's what you think..."

"Fine, tell them," said Remus, falling back on his bed in defeat.

"OK," James started, grinning. "Well you see, Remus and I found out recently that well, we um... we... Remus, a little help here?"

"I'm not helping. You're the one who wanted to tell them."

"Fine. OK. Great. Well. Er. You see. Um. Yeah. That's it."

"I'm lost," said Sirius.

"We  _wish_ ," mumbled Remus quietly.

"Yeah mate, what the hell was  _that_  supposed to mean?" Peter asked, ignoring Remus' comment.

"Remus is an amazing kisser!" James blurted out. Remus felt himself turning scarlet, and let himself submerge under the duvet.

"How do  _you_ know that?" Sirius questioned suspiciously.

"Sirius? You're thick," said Peter. He turned to James. "So you and Remus are... you know... going out? Like, dating?"

"Yep," said James cheerfully.

"Wait wait  _wait_! You and Remus have kissed each other?" Sirius asked.

"No, Sirius. They haven't," said Peter sarcastically.

"Oh... OK then."

"And Sirius?" Peter said. "Did you know the word 'gullible' isn't in the dictionary?"

"Siriusly?" asked Sirius in interest.

"Listen Sirius," said James. "Basically, Remus is my  _boyfriend_."

"Your boyfriend?"

"Yep."

"So you're gay then?" he asked.

"No," Remus said, sitting up. "We're lesbians."

Peter laughed so loudly that his baby began crying. "Oh man," he moaned. "That's wonderful by the way, guys. I'm glad you two can be together. If that's what makes you happy..."

"Thanks Pete," Remus smiled.

"I never expected that," said Sirius.

"Well, I never expected you to knock your baby's head off but there you go," said James, making Remus laugh.

" _Not_  my fault," said Sirius quickly. "Yeah. That's great guys. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," said James. "That means we can officially kiss in front of you now."

Without warning, James lunged at Remus and pulled him into a snog. Peter and Sirius stared at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing at the scene in front of them.

"They kiss like you and Mary," commented Sirius.

"They kiss like you and McGonagall," said Peter.

"No. McGonagall and I have a sort of unique snog. Nobody could ever imitate it."

"I can't believe you said that with a straight face," said Peter, laughing.

"Well, what can I say? I'm Sirius."


	6. Letting The World Know

"Moony?"

"Mmm hmm?"

"Wake up."

"No."

"WAKE UP!"

"Nah."

 _Thump_.

"WHAT DID YOU DO  _THAT_  FOR?" Remus asked angrily, rounding on Sirius.

"You weren't listening to me!" Sirius pouted.

"So what? Nobody ever  _does_  listen to you!"

"Rem! This is what I wanted to talk to you about," Sirius said, flopping down onto his bed.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" asked Remus, coming to sit next to him.

"You guys... I don't know... you just seem to be..." Sirius sighed. "Some of the things you say to me... recently, it's been getting to me."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Remus. "Do you mean how we were hiding from you the other night?"

"Yeah, that," said Sirius. "And you guys say things to me as a joke, but sometimes I can't take it as a joke."

"Aww Sirius," said Remus. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you were upset about it. Honestly, I don't mean any of the things I say to you!"

"Then why do you say them?"

"Because you annoy us! And we want to annoy you back, so we insult you. I'm sorry. I won't do it again, I promise," Remus said with a smile.

"Thanks," said Sirius. "I know I can be a bit stupid sometimes... but I can't help it! It's just me!"

"Yeah, and we love you for that. Don't worry."

Sirius grinned and Remus laughed.

"Where are James and Peter, anyway?" asked Remus.

"They went down to take the babies for an inspection," Sirius said.

"Where's Neville?"

"Frank took him. I can't wait till this baby thing is over, you know?"

"I know, same here," said Remus.

"I don't reckon I'll win," said Sirius disappointedly. "You might, though."

"No... somehow I don't think a headless baby will be the winner," said Remus, smiling. "But I don't think we'll win either."

"You never know. How long is it we have left, anyway?"

"They announce the winners tomorrow," said Remus. "Then I can have James all to myself," he added, with a grin. Sirius shook his head.

"Yeah... well... as long as you get a room this time," he said. "I don't want a show like before."

"Hey! I didn't want you guys to see it! James jumped on me!"

"But you kissed back," Sirius said, winking. Remus blushed.

"Do you like anyone?" he asked.

"Of course I do," said Sirius. "I like you. I like James and Peter and Frank. I like Lily, Alice, Mary-"

"-You know what I mean," Remus said impatiently.

"Marlene," said Sirius, licking his lips.

"You  _do_  know she's going out with Michael Applebee?" Remus asked.

"She is?" Sirius said faintly. "Oh well. There's Kate Peterson in Ravenclaw. I heard that she wants to kiss me."

"Sirius," said Remus. "Every girl in the school wants to kiss you."

"I know," said Sirius with a smug grin. "It's great. You jealous?"

"Nope. I have James," said Remus.

"It's not the same," Sirius said. "Unless James has a pair of DD breasts..."

"He most certainly does  _not_!" Remus shouted.

The door opened, and in walked Peter and Frank.

"Hey Sirius," said Frank. "I just wanted to return Neville to you."

"I'm not having him," said Sirius bluntly. "I've had to look after him for nearly the entire week."

"So what?"

"So... I can't deal with him right now. I have other priorities!"

"And so do  _I_!" shouted Frank.

"Oh yeah... like what?"

"None of your business," said Frank. Sirius stood up abruptly and started pushing Frank back towards the door.

"Goodbye Frank. Have a nice day with Neville. Oh and be careful by the way... when you feed him, you have to make sure you hold his head in place – otherwise it'll fall off!" he slammed the door in Franks face.

"Hey Pete," said Remus, trying to change the subject.

"Hiya," said Peter.

"You seen James anywhere?"

"Yeah... he's eating breakfast."

"Right... I'm going to see James," said Remus, heading for the bathroom to have a shower.

"Oooh!" said Sirius. "Going to see James in the shower?"

"REMUS! I had no idea you were so kinky!" laughed Peter.

"Shut up," Remus said, blushing madly and closing the door.

When he finished showering, he rushed downstairs to the Great Hall, where he found James sitting alone, feeding Harry.

"Hi," Remus said, sitting down next to him and smiling at him.

"Oh, hey there," James replied with a grin. "Harry aced the inspection again."

"That's great," said Remus. He almost jumped when he felt James' hand brush against his under the table. His breath caught in his throat and he laced his fingers through James', looking up into his hazel eyes.

"I don't know how I didn't realise my feelings sooner," James said softly. "I must've been crazy."

"Same," Remus said, smiling. "Hey, by the way, I think we should lay off Sirius a bit with the insults."

"Eh, why?"

"He's been getting a bit upset," Remus whispered. "I promised him I wouldn't insult him any more."

"Ah no... that takes the fun out of everything!" complained James.

"Well," Remus said quietly. "You can have fun with me."

"Wow Rem... check  _you_  out! Acting all sexy," he licked his lips. "I like it."

"I'm glad you like it," Remus said with a shy smile.

"Hey, how about this? When we give Harry back tomorrow, you and I can spend some alone time together... in the dorm...did I mention we'd be alone?"

"You may have mentioned it," Remus replied. "I can't wait."

"Me neither. But how will we get rid of Sirius?"

"Easy," said Remus. "Just tell him Kate Peterson's looking for him."

"Ah yeah. Girls. His weakness."

"What's your weakness?" asked Remus.

"You're my weakness," James winked. Remus felt his cheeks growing hotter again. He was about to answer, when Harry began crying.

"You ruin everything," moaned Remus, picking up the baby and sticking the bottle in his mouth.

"What were you going to say?" asked James.

"Nothing," muttered Remus.

"Oh, c'mon," said James with a grin. "You can tell me."

"Fine... well... my weakness is kissing you," Remus said.

"Well," said James. "Come here!" he leaned forward to kiss Remus, who pushed him away.

"Not in here!" he hissed. "People would see!"

" _And_?" asked James. "Are you ashamed?"

"No," said Remus. "I just... well... oh, fine."

"Good. Now, come here," James said for a second time, meeting Remus' lips for a kiss that startled the Great Hall into silence. All heads seemed to be watching them as their tongues roamed each others mouths and their hands moved over each others bodies. When they finally broke apart, the silence lingered in the room.

"Oh c'mon! Why so glum? Aren't you glad  _they're_  the gay ones, so now you all have Sirius to yourselves?" said Sirius from the doorway. Most of the girls in the room turned their attention to Sirius, and a lot them were making their way over to him. He winked at Remus and James, and then made a dash out the door, leaving them sitting there laughing.

"God, he's crazy."

"Tell me about it."

 


	7. Winner's Ceremony

"Everybody make their way to the front table to collect a bottle," shouted Professor Flitwick.

"You will need to feed your babies while we announce the winners, so your babies stay quiet," said Professor McGonagall. "Come along now!"

"Take it!" shouted Frank, throwing Neville into Sirius' hands. Sirius made a rude hand gesture at Frank and grabbed a bottle from the table, stuffing it into Neville's mouth.

"Thank god this will be over soon," he said to Remus as they walked past each other.

"I hope we win," said James. "I could really do with the tickets to the Quidditch World Cup."

"Well we haven't done anything drastically wrong like Sirius and Frank," said Remus. "I think we have a good chance at winning."

They took a bottle, putting it into Harry's mouth, and took their seats with Sirius and Frank.

"Are you sad to be getting rid of Neville today?" James asked Sirius, who laughed.

" _No_!" he yelled. "I can't wait."

"Neither can I," said Frank. "I thought that being paired with Sirius would be OK. I thought it would be great because we get along, but I never knew how  _annoying_  he was."

"Don't act like you're not annoying," replied Sirius, glaring at Frank.

"I'm not!"

"Yeah right! What about yesterday when you-"

" _QUIET_!" yelled Professor Dumbledore over the chattering students. "Good. Now, as you may have noticed, I have the prizes here at the front table. Very soon, two of you will be winning these prizes. For the past two weeks, you have been paired with another student to raise a baby. You've been inspected on your parenting skills and us teachers have been choosing who we think should win. However, we have seen some odd things in these past two weeks, and we wanted to give out certificates for special partners, who didn't quite win."

Murmurs filled the Great Hall, and Professor McGonagall cleared her throat.

"Firstly, we would like to give an award to the worst parents. These two don't have a baby left to show for the last two weeks, as their baby had been cut into pieces and thrown off the astronomy tower before the first inspection. We would like to award this certificate for 'worst parents' to Bellatrix Black and Fabian Prewitt."

Everybody was laughing, including the two who had won the certificate. As they went up to the front, James sniggered.

"Hey Sirius, at least you weren't the worst," he said, nudging Sirius.

"Yeah," replied Sirius. "I thought that was going to be us when they mentioned the worst parents."

"I guess we weren't  _that_  bad," said Frank with a smile.

"The next certificate we would like to give out is for the dirtiest baby. This baby wasn't cleaned or bathed for the entire two weeks. We award this certificate to the parents of the baby, Severus Snape and Alice Prewitt."

"I just  _knew_  Snivellus' name was going to come up!" shouted Sirius.

"The next certificate goes to the parents who have got along the best, considering them being in different houses. Before this assignment, the two of them never spoke to each other unless they were throwing insults at each other. We are glad to say that the assignment has brought on new friendships. We award the certificate to Lily Evans and Narcissa Black."

"They're  _friends_?" asked Sirius in horror. "Why would Evans want to be friend with  _her_?"

"You just hate her because she's your cousin," said Remus.

"And she's horrible!"

"You never know... maybe they have a lot in common," said James.

"And finally," said Professor McGonagall. "The last certificate we give out is for the most neglected baby. This baby has been thrown around, dropped down the toilet, left with strangers, thrown down six flights of stairs,  _and_  it has lost it's head-"

"- I wonder who could have won this?" Sirius grinned.

"Who knows?" Remus replied sarcastically.

"This certificate goes to Sirius Black and Frank Longbottom."

Sirius and Frank stood up with big grins and made their way to the front with baby Neville in Sirius' hands. Professor McGonagall shook both of their hands and handed them a certificate, while everybody clapped. Before going back to sit down, Sirius grinned out at the rest of the school and promptly wrenched Neville's head off of his body. Many girls in the room gasped, but the boys laughed.

"That's lovely, Black," said Professor McGonagall sourly, taking the baby off him and putting it under the table. Sirius sauntered back to his seat, winking at various girls on the way back.

"So, now we move on to announcing the winner. But before that, we would like to give out prizes to third and second place. In third place, we have a partnership that has brought out the best in each other. The two parents have found love in each other, and for their baby. Their child has been very well looked after, and we would like to present the prize for third place to Mary McDonald, Peter Pettigrew and their baby, George. If they would just come forward and collect their prize – a 20 galleon gift voucher for Zonko's Joke Store in Hogameade."

"I came third!" beamed Peter. Sirius clapped him on the back.

"Well done, mate! Go get your prize!"

"Well done to our third place students!" shouted Professor McGonagall. "In second place, we have a baby who was very loved, never failing to impress me at an inspection. The baby was never left alone, and always being looked after or played with. The parents have been exceptionally good, and this is why we believe second place goes to James Potter, Remus Lupin and baby Harry."

"Second place, Rem," shouted James over the claps.

"That's great," Remus grinned back.

"If you would like to come forward to collect your prize – a 40 galleon gift voucher that can be used in any shop in Hogsmeade."

"Yes!" James said, grabbing Remus' arm and pulling him towards the front table. Professor McGonagall handed him the gift voucher, and handed Remus a certificate. They made their way back down to their seats and Sirius examined the gift voucher.

"Of course you'll let me use this too," he whispered. James and Remus looked at each other.

"Nah, sorry," said James. "Maybe you can have a chocolate from Honeydukes."

"I hate you," gasped Sirius. "Pete said he would share his with me."

"That's because Pete's a pushover," whispered James. "And if he's sharing it with you, then why do you need  _us_  to share ours with you?"

"Whatever," groaned Sirius. "I wonder who came first?"

"And finally, the moment you've all been waiting for. We shall now announce the parents who have come in first place. These two have won ten books and potions (of their choice) along with two tickets to the Quidditch World Cup in August. Now, although these two don't usually see eye to eye, they have managed to put their differences aside in raising their baby. Our  _clear_  winners even created a playground for their baby, and have been teaching him to walk and talk. This is something that we thought was very creative, and unique – nobody else thought of this. With this idea, their baby has grown to a toddler, which is something that nobody else achieved. All of this taken into account, we have awarded first place to Gilderoy Lockhart, Regulus Black and their toddler, Aaron."

" _WHAT_?" exclaimed Sirius. "My  _brother_  makes a better parent than I do?"

"I guess," said Remus, laughing. "Look, their kid's walking."

They peered over to see that the toddler  _was_ walking, while holding hands with Regulus and Gilderoy. Professor McGonagall gave them a choice of books and potions, which they took a while to choose seeing as neither of them were very interested in any books or potions. As they walked back to their seats with the tickets to the Quidditch World Cup, many envious eyes followed them.

* * *

"I don't mind coming second," said James after the ceremony. "But I really wanted those tickets," he scowled.

"How about I steal them for you," suggested Sirius. "I can  _easily_  get them off Reg."

"Hey! Don't even think about it," said Remus disapprovingly. "They deserved to win those tickets."

"SO DID WE!" James shouted. "We made perfect parents."

"Did we teach Harry to walk and talk?" said Remus.

"Well no but-"

"- Then they deserve it. It doesn't matter anyway, we won these gift vouchers."

"True. Why don't I take you out on a date?" James said, grabbing Remus' hand.

"A date?" questioned Remus with a grin.

"To Hogsmeade. We can do whatever you want," James said.

"Whatever I want?" asked Remus thoughtfully.

"Yeah," replied James.

"Why don't we stay at Hogwarts?" Remus said.

"Huh?"

"Room of Requirement," whispered Remus, looking up at James excitedly.

"That's a great idea," said James with a wink.

"You think that's great? Just wait till you hear what ideas I have in mind for when we get there," Remus teased, leaning up and kissing James' neck.

"Oh my god," James said lustfully. "Wow."

"That's only the beginning," Remus continued, planting more kisses up James' neck.

"S-s-stop!" James said. "Room of Requirement. Now."

"C'mon," said Remus, as they made their way out of the room.

Sirius sat for a moment after they left, in still silence. When he was sure nobody was coming in, his face cracked into a grin and he made his way to the table where his friend had left their prizes. Even after winning the prize for neglecting his baby the most, he had still somehow managed to steal the prizes for second and third place, and he was well on his way to planning his theft of first place prize, too. He was still a winner.

 


End file.
